Proving Yourself

I’ve always felt the need to prove myself. I’ve felt the need to prove that I was smart in any new academic setting I find myself in. In fact, my whole law school journey was my trying to prove that I was smart enough to get a first class. I’ve felt the need to prove that I have money, and this is the most stupid of them all because, huh?

I’ve also felt the need to prove that I am bestfriends with God to other people. This has showed itself in my need to always share private moments in my relationship with God. There is a place for sharing, yeah, but I always want to share everything. In fact, I got into some elements of ministry just to prove that God and I were bestfriends.

Any time I was around people I considered to be spiritual, I would feel like I had to do something to show my ‘spiritual prowess’. Even at that, I always felt like I was a fraud around such people because I hadn’t been able to ‘prove properly’ that God and I were bestfriends.

My music saw this as well, especially last year. I’m a lover of good music and naturally, I come across people who can sanggg (not sing but sanggg). And I appreciate such voices. I even know people personally whose voices are out of this world and I am here to hype them any day at any time. But I began to compare my voice with the voices of amazing singers and that didn’t go well as you’d imagine. It didn’t help that I didn’t get compliments on my voice. I know, I shouldn’t want people’s compliments, but knowing something is different from living out something.

Because of this, I felt the need to prove that I could sing. I’d mimic the style of great singers I know and try to do the riffs and runs like they do. It doesn’t help that my voice is more on the lighter side and people like powerful voices. I’ve come to realise though, that my style of music is different from what I am trying to copy and that is fine. But before I came to that realization, I still did all I could to prove I could sing.

In December, I volunteered to sing at my church’s carol service, and I was excited for it for all the wrong reasons. I was still trying to prove that I could sing. However, the performance (/ministration/whatever you want to call it) went terribly wrong. I felt so stupid after that episode. The next day, I recorded a song and uploaded it to my Instagram as a way to prove that I could sing.

Here’s the thing, you may say that all of the pressure I have felt to prove myself was self-inflicted (which might be true), but you can’t deny that the world is always asking everyone to prove themselves. In subtle ways, society demands that you prove that you are worthy of their love. The world asks you to prove that you are successful, smart, beautiful and a host of other things. And there are a lot of people that are constantly trying to prove themselves, like I was trying to.

Jesus faced this pressure as well. The Religious Leaders and other Jews were always asking for a sign from Him to be sure He was from God despite the numerous miracles and profound teachings they had seen and heard from Jesus. John 2:18 (NLT):

But the Jewish Leaders demanded, “What are you doing? If God gave you authority to do this, show us a miraculous sign to prove it.

The temptation of Jesus was basically the devil asking Jesus to prove He was indeed the Son of God (Luke 4:1-13). Even when Jesus was about to die, He was still asked before the Roman rulers and Jews to prove Himself. But Jesus didn’t budge even once. He didn’t fall for their pressure because Jesus understood that society will never be satisfied with our efforts to prove ourselves, society just keeps demanding for more.

More than that, Jesus was secure in His identity. He knew for sure that He was the Son of God and He didn’t need anyone to reassure Him of that. And God calls us His own. We are His bride, His lovers, the ones who He did not spare even His own Son for. He is proud of you, of how far you’ve come. You don’t need to prove yourself to Him. He knows you from the inside out and He loves you. And where He needs you to change, He does the work in you, all you need to do is allow Him (Philippians 2:13, Romans 12:1-2).

Isn’t it amazing?! I decided that I would stop trying to prove myself to anyone because Jesus sees all of me and He accepts me as His own. Besides, I will never be ‘good enough’ for society. I also decided to accept who I am. Obviously, I am still a work in progress and there are many areas I am still growing in, but I refuse to bow to any pressure to prove myself to anyone. The only One that matters loves me for me.

How about you? Are you ready to leave this hassle of proving yourself to people? Are you willing to be like Jesus and be blind to the demands of society?

I love you and God loves you more.