The Pressure of Purpose

I’ve never been one to dwell on the word ‘purpose’ because, for the most part, I am winging my life. I literally have no idea where my life is heading. Like, I have an idea of what I want but I am not even sure about that. However, there was a time in my life I felt like I had gone outside of God’s purpose for my life, that I had spoilt His plans.

In university, I struggled with my grades. This was quite strange for me but, I guess new environment. No matter how much I tried, I struggled more. Although, tbh, I wasn’t attending most of my lectures, so what was I expecting? Because of that, I dangled in 2:2 for all of my university journey until when my dissertation and some of my third year courses miraculously pushed me into 2:1 arena.

Why the back story? Well, in the second and third year of my university, a lot of people were applying for training contracts. Training contracts are basically arrangements with law firms in the UK whereby they employ you for two years (I believe) and they also pay for your law school. I hadn’t applied for any because I wanted to come back to Nigeria. Also, my grades were quite abysmal, and I didn’t think any law firm would want to hire me, especially the ones that could actually employ international students. One day though, I decided to ask God what He wanted me to do, whether I should stay back in UK or not. That night I had a dream I was applying for training contracts. My interpretation of that dream was that God wanted me to stay back in the UK.

I am definitely not in the UK right now, so, what happened? Well, I was not diligent in my applications. Those training contract applications are just the most stressful things ever to be honest and I was lazy. I delayed till the literal deadline. There were some that I didn’t even complete before the deadline. As expected, all I got were rejection emails.

Meanwhile, I was so sure that God wanted me to stay back in the UK that I didn’t even apply for law school in Nigeria. So by July of 2017, I was done with university. My Nigerian friends had already started bar 1, while friends in UK had gotten training contracts. I, on the other hand was without direction. To be honest, I thought I had a plan (I wanted to be a missionary, lol, story for another day).

I tried everything within my power to go back to UK. I even started an application for law school in UK but there was literally no money for that. I applied for internships in law firms in Nigeria and I got no response. I was just at home with people asking me, “So, what is next?” This question annoyed me a lot because even I didn’t know (and I still don’t know) what was next.

At this point, I was ridden with guilt that I had frustrated God’s plan for my life and since I had missed the opportunity to stay back in UK, I was now out of God’s plan for the rest of my life. And the reason the plan was frustrated was because of my laziness and lack of diligence. The guilt was a lot.

I began researching if it was possible to spoil God’s plan for my life and whether there was any point of being alive if it was possible. God led me to some devotionals on the bible app which assured me that I was too little to spoil God’s plans. For example, when Joseph’s brothers were selling him off, I’m sure Joseph thought all the dreams that God told him would never come to pass. I wonder how he felt when he was thrown into prison. Or what about Abraham who lied that Sarah was not his wife and nearly lost her twice or when he went ahead to sleep with Hagar.

I was reminded that Jesus’ grace was large enough to cover my faults. And I definitely did not spoil God’s plan for my life. Looking at how far I’ve come, I know for sure that I didn’t spoil God’s plan for my life. In fact, God has been showing some of His best work in the way He has planned my life. Mercy Chinwo was really right when she called Him Extraordinary Strategist because the life I thought was over has been renewed on a hundred.

On the topic of purpose, there was a time that word was everywhere. Everyone was writing books about how to discover and walk in their purpose. I definitely do not subscribe to such teachings because it makes life look like a destination rather than a journey. If you keep waiting to enter into your purpose, you will never enter into your purpose. If anyone ever asks me, I’d say that my purpose is to enjoy life with Jesus.

This post is to let you know that God knew your faults and your mistakes before you made them. He already saw the direction you would take and has made plans around that. You can’t spoil God’s plans for your life, you are too small for that. Also, purpose is not a thing to stress about. Just walk with God and you’ll find that you are living in your purpose every day.

I love you and God loves you more.